


Scenes from Ninja Pete's, the Ninja Bar and Grill

by whitachi



Category: Naruto
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-12
Updated: 2013-05-12
Packaged: 2017-12-11 16:45:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/800908
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitachi/pseuds/whitachi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ninja Pete's, the most popular casual dining and drinking establishment in Konoha, attracts a varied clientele. Post-series speculatory shenanigans.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Scenes from Ninja Pete's, the Ninja Bar and Grill

**Author's Note:**

> This was written many years ago as an imagination adventure of a nice happy ending for all those dumb ninja kids. Got only knows what Sauske's gotten himself into since then. I hope someday he can still have a drink and smooch the Hokage.

"Okay, okay, okay, next round is on me!" Naruto's chair scraped against the floor as he got up, and if he wobbled a little, it probably had something to do with the table full of empty beer mugs before him. He grinned at his drinking companions and snickered a little before setting off to weave his way through the crowds to the bar. 

"You should get all the rounds!" Sasuke yelled after him. "Idiot!" When he let his chair drop back so all four legs were on the floor, Sai was staring at him with that open-eyed, unwavering smile that made you feel like you should explain the etymology of all the words you just used, or hide under the table, or something like that. Sasuke reacted appropriately, and snorted lightly. "He's the Hokage. The Hokage shouldn't have to pay for his own drinks." 

"Naruto-kun has said that it would be taking advantage of the people of Konoha to accept any free services simply because of his position," Sai said, and neatly arranged their empty mugs into stacks to be swept up by the waitress on her next pass. "He has said it is part of his duty to support the village in any way he can." 

Sasuke added his empty glasses to the stacks, and said, "Hmph." 

*** 

"Ah, Kurenai-sensei?" Iruka tripped a little as he came up to the bar, hands heavy with empty glasses. Kurenai smiled at him over the rim of her glass and dipped her head a little. Iruka put the empty mugs down with a decent amount of clattering and gave her one of his better smiles. "It's been a while! I, um, haven't seen you much lately..." He rubbed the back of his neck as the awkward questions went unasked. 

"I am allowed out now and then, yes, Iruka-sensei," she said, and signaled to the bartender for two more before Iruka could object out of politeness. "Surely you've heard of babysitters? I think that's part of your job title, isn't it?" 

Iruka flushed a little across the bridge of his nose and held up a hand. "Don't start calling me that, I'll end up getting even more requests from parents." The bartender arrived with another armful of beers, and Iruka bowed his head in a little thanks before taking a sip. 

"Don't worry, I won't give you any more work," she said, and lifted her glass a little to him. "Anyway, Anko is a perfectly fine babysitter." 

Kurenai at least had the decency to hide her laugh behind her hand as Iruka choked on his beer. 

"Don't be so gullible, Iruka-sensei," she said as she gave his arm a little pinch. Iruka had turned an even deeper shade of red across his cheeks, and it really was quite a flattering look for him. No wonder he was so popular. He hid his embarrassment with another, deeper drink of beer. "Lee's watching him tonight," Kurenai said, timing it perfectly. 

Iruka sniffed beer from out of his sinuses, and shook his head at her. "You're going to be hell at parent-teacher conferences, aren't you?" 

Kurenai winked, and pushed the second beer over the bar to him. "See you next year, sensei." 

*** 

"And you should know that you are _entirely incorrect_." Naruto had yet to return from the bar with their drinks, but it was a thing with Sasuke, that he never had to wait too long before someone would buy him a drink. Sai sitting at the table with him only compounded the issue. They'd been brought two such beverages with wide bowls and thin stems, garnished with fruit, and had dealt with the waiting period before the Sixth Hokage returned by drinking them, and it was only natural that conversation would eventually ensue. " _Entirely_ incorrect." 

"About what, exactly, Sasuke-kun?" Sai asked, evenly as ever. 

" _Penises_ ," Sasuke murmured over the rim of his drink, which tasted dangerously of cranberries. 

"Ah?" Sai murmured as he took his own sip. "Ah! Yes, I suppose I am often speaking of size. But you should be aware that I have shared an onsen bath with Naruto-kun, and I am aware of the reality of the situation." He took another sip. "As unfortunate as it may be." 

Sasuke placed his pink-hued beverage back on the table. "No, it is not unfortunate!" he growled. "You just have... some sort of problem of perspective." He looked over his shoulder, trying to see past the crowd to where Naruto was hopefully getting them some more beers. "He's of a perfectly satisfactory size," he mumbled half into his shoulder as he turned back towards Sai. 

Sai's eyes closed up as his mouth curved into a smile. "Ah, but I disagree, Sasuke-kun! I think it is very kind of you to say so, considering, though." 

Sasuke's chair scraped back against the floor as he stood up. "Fine. Come on, then. I want to see just what you think is 'less than satisfactory'." He picked up the cocktail glass with one hand to bring it to his lips and finish the sweet contents, and reached out with the other to grab Sai by the elbow, and pull him towards the men's room. 

*** 

Kiba had spent most of the night stationed at a table near the patio where the smokers were relegated to, just because it was the easiest place to send Akamaru out to do his business, because hell if the dog understood the concepts of 'breaking the seal' or 'waiting in line for the men's room'. This table happened to be conveniently near the restrooms, and he watched as Sasuke dragged a smiling Sai into the room that was labeled for men's use with an elaborate and dramatic drawing of male genitalia. 

"Oh, now that is just not fair," he said mostly into his mug of beer. "I swear, everyone in this town is getting action but me." 

At his feet, Akamaru snickered into his dish of lager. Kiba gave him half of a kick. 

"Don't laugh! Remember, I have the power over who you go to stud with! My sister just keeps talking up this bitch from the west side of the town..." Kiba dipped his head under the table to look his dog in the eyes. "She's got a _great_ personality." 

Akamaru had the decency to whine. Kiba sighed and finished off his glass. "At least you _get_ put out to stud," he grumbled, and tried to hail down a waiter to bring them another round. 

*** 

His name was Junboku, he was originally from Tea Country, and it was his second night on the job. He had no passion for farming, or crafting, or even for ninjutsu; what he really loved was being behind a bar, and serving drinks to anyone and everyone. There was such a thrill to serving people in such a way, to giving them what the really wanted. The people in his homeland had failed to give him interesting enough stories, so he'd emigrated to a country with a hidden village... _that_ was bound to have more than a few fascinating tales coming from those who bellied up to the bar. 

And the girl who was coming up to him--well, she could hardly be said to be _bellying_ up, although the word that came to his mind was definitely something that began with a "b". Blondes had been rare enough in Tea, but he'd not seen any since moving to Konoha, and here she was, yellow-gold and in _pigtails_ , no less. 

"Ummmmm," she said, as she pushed through a few higher ranking ninja to place her assets upon the bar. "Let's see, um, let me see, let me see..." Junboku had always been a sucker for blue eyes, and hell if she didn't have the bluest, wide and bright in that cute, round face, with those sweet little markings on her cheeks. He was still getting used to the way shinobi used makeup recreationally, but this girl seemed interested in making herself look like a kitten, and he couldn't help but encourage that. 

"Hello, there, sweetheart, what can I get you?" he said, ignoring three or four other orders from men in flak vests. 

"I need, um..." She straightened up and pouted, which did well for putting a ripple to her curves that made the gentlemen in the seats next to her nearly invisible. 

"Anything you want, darling, it's yours," Junboku said, and gave her a wink. He'd been a charmer at the bars back home, and saw no reason it couldn't continue here, even if this was shinobi territory. "What's your name, dear?" 

She pointed at her face and looked innocent, and hell if he wasn't a sucker for that. "Me? My name?" She giggled and winked, tilting her head to one side. "You can just call me Naruko!" 

Junboku was ready to pull any tap, to uncork the top shelf for her, after the way she looked sidelong at him. "Naruko-chan? You name it, it's yours, sweetie." 

She hopped up onto the bar meant for patrons sitting at stools to rest their feet on, and leaned halfway over the bar, giving Junboku an overwhelming view of her cleavage where her own green flak vest parted low. "Oh, you're so sweet!" she cooed. "I just need some beer! Some beer for my friends, you know? We'd really like some drinks, wouldn't you give them to us? You're so sweet..." She placed her hands flat on the bar, and leaned across to place a kiss on his cheek. 

Junboku pulled two pitchers of beer off the tap for her, and didn't even _think_ of charging. 

*** 

Out on the patio, Shikamaru was troubled by the matches left in his vest. A lighter would be much easier, but on the whole, they were more expensive. But his pack of matches had gotten wet on his last mission, and now he struggled to get a good strike to light his cigarette. 

"I thought you said you were quitting," Temari said, as she smoked one of those long, dark-papered, sweet-smelling cigarettes that seemed all the rage in Sand. 

Shikamaru brought his match against the box again and again, failing to light every time. "It's too much trouble to try to quit," he said, and brought the match across the box one more time, breaking the head off at last. "Hey, you could be helpful. You could give me a light." 

Temari crossed and uncrossed her legs, and took a drag that smelled like cinnamon and nighttime. "I could!" she said through a grin, successfully inhaling out a perfect ring of smoke. "But that would make it easy for you." 

Shikamaru pulled out another match, and resituated the smoke hanging from his lips, so it wouldn't turn too damp before he could get it lit. "I swear, such a pain..." 

*** 

"Ha! Look, I got it, perfect timing." Ino leaned over to Sakura to show off the surprisingly non-grainy picture she'd managed to snap of Sasuke triumphantly and dramatically downing his girly cocktail on her cell phone. Sakura was less than impressed; honestly, who hadn't seen Sasuke being dead serious about drinking pineapple juice and watermelon schnapps at this point? Still, there was no coming between Ino and her very absurdly long-held grudges. 

"Yes, that's very nice, Ino." It actually was a pretty cute picture. It made her think of when they were younger and would get into trouble with Kakashi; when it didn't quite require four beers and one kunoichitini to see that kind of unguarded, flustered expression on his face. Well, it wasn't like any of them were kids anymore... Sakura's own phone buzzed against her thigh just as Ino snapped hers shut with a little snort of satisfaction, meaning she'd sent the picture to everyone in her phonebook. Maybe some of them were less mature than others. 

"Isn't it funny how girls always go to the bathroom in pairs?" Ino said over the edge of her glass as she watched Sasuke drag Sai into the bathroom. "Oh, or maybe there's trouble in paradise? Ohh, poor Naruto-kun, he'll be heartbroken! Sakura-chan, maybe this is your chance!" 

Naruto was busy heaving his breasts up on the bar, which meant everything was _completely normal_. While Ino was still talking, little sing-songy balls of venom coming from her lips, Sakura lifted up her hand, held her middle finger back taut with her thumb, and then flicked Ino's wine glass. It made a very pretty sound before the bowl of the glass vaporized into microscopic shards, leaving Ino holding the stem and left with a lap full of mid-priced Water Country white. 

"Oh, would you look at that!" Sakura said sweetly, and drained the rest of her own beer. "We need another round, and isn't it your turn, oh it is." She patted Ino on the shoulder with a little more force than strictly necessary. "Why don't you run up to the bar and get us some more and _grow up_." 

The shade of red that Ino had turned did _not_ go with her dress, but she set the stem down, stood up, brushed glass off her clothing, and marched to the bar with no further complaints. Sakura leaned back in her chair and pulled out her phone. It really _was_ a cute picture. She forwarded it to Naruto, just in case Ino'd deleted him from her contacts again. He'd appreciate it more than anyone. 

*** 

Sasuke put his hand over his eyes, for all of the good that did him, and felt very... _small_. "I understand," he said, and he could _feel_ Sai smiling, somehow. "Everything makes sense, so you can put ... _that_ away. I'm sorry I even asked." He only uncovered his eyes when he heard the upward slide of a zipper. It had to be some sort of jutsu, the thought bubbled tipsily over his mind, for Sai to even be able to fit _that_ into regulation shinobi trousers. Concealed weapons _indeed_. 

Sai turned to wash his hands, and kept his smile fixed on Sasuke in the mirror. "I believe I understand as well, Sasuke! I feel a little foolish for it not having occured to me before." He dried his hands and faced Sasuke again. "I hadn't taken certain factors into account. If _your_ penis is also small, it only follows that you would feel comfortable with Naruto's penis, which is also small." 

It showed, Sasuke thought, how he'd grown and changed as a person, that he didn't rise to that challenge and whip it out. Some fights, he'd learned, were not worth taking. Especially when your opponant has a broadsword and all you have is a kunai. Not that just a kunai couldn't be _very effective_... Too many weapon metaphors, Sasuke declared, and put his hands on Sai's shoulders to push him towards the door. "Yes. That's exactly it. You figured it out. Let's never discuss this again." 

He could feel himself _blushing_ , and that was a sign he needed another drink. Fortunately two more pretty-colored cocktails had appeared at their table while they were gone; these had cherries floating in them. Sasuke took his seat and lifted his glass as solemnly as he could in Sakura's direction. She stone-facedly lifted a broken wine glass to him. 

*** 

Naruto returned at last with more beer, and then nearly spilled his glass as he started giggling and snorting at something on his phone. He _did_ spill it only when Sasuke made a grab for it to see just what was so damn _funny_. Sai ate both of the cherries out of their cocktail glasses while they were distracted. 


End file.
